as sent in an email....really funny
for your indulgence
"I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb to slumber, though the downpour of rain should've made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true romance."
— Inday, nag-e-emote sa may bintana habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niyang driver ng kapitbahay
* * *
"One grows distant from another not because of hatred, not because of indifference, but because of fear. There's the fear that the hurt gets greater as one gets closer, a recognition of the tendecy to fall deeply and consequently drown in a quicksand of stupid irrationalities. Sometimes, what drives one away is not the absence of emotion, but the overwhelming presence of it."
— Inday, sa nararamdaman niya kay Dodong
* * *
"There are tulips in the street. There are tulips in the park, but nothing compares to our two lips meeting in the dark...."
— Pamatay lines ni Dodong kay Inday
* * *
"The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"
— Ganito nakipag-break si Inday kay Dodong
* * *
"I appreciate your courage, but... placating will just give false hopes. Your flowers are nothing but fancy. I ain't worth an ordinary weed cutter. Find yourself another lover."
— Inday, nang binasted si Estong
* * *
"I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reason, my emptiness has made itself manifest, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was separated from…."
— Inday, hindi makatulog dahil na-ho-homesick
* * *
"La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor?
— Inday, tumatawad sa merkado nang isinama siya ng amo sa España
* * *
1) Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar served with milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce
2 Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil
3) Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
— Baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday
* * *
"Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just land on my cutie top? I mean, I've spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I'll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!"
— Reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan siya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia
* * *
"Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient in this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessened the production in the market."
— B anat ni Inday kung bakit walang kangkong sa nilutong sinigang
* * *
"Heavy fire exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the 'oriza sativa,' the scientific name of rice, to change its state of color, smell, as well as the taste."
— Sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing
* * *
"Potatoes, when consumed in their raw state, are rapidly converted to glucose that raise insulin levels because of its simple sugar. When cooked in high temperatures like french fries, they produce large amounts of free radicals in the body, causing aging, clotting, inflamation, cancer, weight gain.... One french fry is worse than one cigarette."
— Inday, sagot sa amo nung tanungin siya kung bakit hindi siya nagluto ng french fries
* * *
"Off you go! Under no circumstances will this house relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!"
— Si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate
* * *
Ederlyn: Hi, Inday!
Inday: I'm sorry, who the hell are you?! Back off, loser!
* * *
"A change in the weather patterns might have occurred, causing havoc to affected surroundings. The way debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind is going northeast, causing damage to the path it is going."
— Sagot ni Inday sa amo nung tinanong siya kung bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay
* * *
"Allergens trigger the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin, including histamine and prostaglandins. These substances result in increased circulation to the site promoting redness."
— Sagot ni Inday nang tanungin ni Sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior
* * *
"Much as I want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent and malicious information, I want to lift the stigma and alleviate society's perception of blindness."
— Pinagalitan ni Inday si Junior sa sobrang lapit manood ng TV
* * *
Amo: Day! Bakit may bukol si Junior?!
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
Amo: (Di naka-react)
* * *
Amo: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanonood ng TV?!
Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing!
* * *
Amo: Inday, di ba nanood ka ng The Buzz kahapon? Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7?
Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they stay. Leaving can be a tough act and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.
* * *
Dear Sir/Madam:
Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made an initial survey of current market prices. Note, however, that prices can vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand, which we also monitor on an hourly basis.
— Si Inday, nagpapaalam mamalengke
* * *
"Guess what? The not-so-stunning guys keep on staring at my newly-manicured nails, while the copycat freaks envy my stylishly-cut mane. Unfortunately, after a great day at the spa, I have to step on this muddy and stinking place just to purchase some veggies!"
— Inday, nakikipagchikahan sa tindera sa palengke
* * *
"Higher stock index and low flow of investments triggered inflation prices, thus, the peso is weak."
— Dahilan ni Inday kung bakit kulang ang sukli
* * *
Amo: Inday, bumili ka nga ng mga isda... O o nga pala, Inglisera ka…. Would you please purchase many fishes for this week's meals?
Inday: Judging from your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes," although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traverse the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day's catch? (Pauses) Aaah… by manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this household's quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then that will source the staple "galewng-gowng" . Am I correct?
Amo: Leche!
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the "ba-ngooz" is it!
* * *
"Physical stress and excessive work may result in serious damage to one's body. It is, therefore, essential that once in a while, we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had."
— Sabi ni Inday sa amo nu'ng humingi siya ng day-off
* * *
"Don't limit my capacity in the four corners of this luxurious abode. Expose me to the real challenges of the outside world. I want to grow as an individual with dynamic experience."
— Inday, nagrereklamo dahil ayaw isama sa Enchanted Kingdom
* * *
Amo: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?
Inday: I have computed the chair's fair value less cost to sell and the value in use using projections for five years and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is in accordance with PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and Equipment, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets!
Amo: Adik ka talaga, Inday!
* * *
Dear Mom,
Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moments ago. Junior has become a little monster to me! Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabbily-run academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never thought being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.
Your daughter,
Inday
Dear Inday,
Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka nga ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo; dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!
Tatay
* * *
"It's not that I'm trying to compete with professionals and I'm totally not avoiding speaking in the vernacular. It's just that circumstances necessitate me to speak English because I won't fully accomplish my job without doing so."
— Explanation ni Inday sa pag-e-English niya
* * *
Amo 1: Inday, ano gamit mo sa katawan mo? Ang kinis mo kasi, eh.
Amo 2: Siguro gumagamit ka ng papaya....
Amo 1: Baka naman kalamansi?
Inday: NO! Only Belo touches my skin! Who touches yours?
